I went to the Rockaways in NYC last weekend for David Lieber's son's (Abraham) Bar Mitzvah. I'm not sure that all of you know this but I am a smoker. When I went through the check-in process in Jacksonville the NTSB agent took my Zippo lighter that I have had for thirty years. I asked if I could mail it to myself instead of having her confiscate it and she said. "Yes, it'll cost fourteen dollars." The USPS would have mailed it for less than two dollars but Homeland Security wants fourteen dollars. Those tax and spend Republicans.
My first connection was in Charlotte. North Carolina has the only airports that I know of where you can still smoke in an airport bar. I guess it's because they grow tobacco. I went in, took a seat and asked the bartender for a light. She gave me a pack of matches from a box that was full. I told the bartender about the plight of the Zippo as I drank a pint of Guinness and half of the patrons (those that were smoking) overheard my conversation and let out a collective sigh. They each told me of the demise of their lighters. When I left I asked her if I could take the matches that she had given me on my flight. All of the smoking patrons said, "Yes." OK, I'm not a terrorism expert but isn't a pack of matches more explosive than a Zippo lighter? I can understand a butane lighter but a Zippo? I wonder if I took the flint out (thus rendering it useless) if they still would have confiscated it. My guess (although uneducated when it comes to issues on National Security) is yes. Those poor, unfortunate, ignorant Republicans.
They day before I left for NYC I saw a segment on "Sunday Morning" that was about a place in Georgia that sells the luggage that the airlines lose and items that were confiscated by the NTSB. They had nail clippers, surfboards, and Jesse Jackson's suits. You may ask, "How do I know that they were Jesse Jackson's suits?" Because his name was embroidered on the inside of the jacket. You may ask, "Why not return them to Jesse Jackson since they know who they belong to?" They were either lost by the airlines or a National Security threat. They now have a Zippo lighter unless the NTSB officer took a personal liking to it. Those greedy confiscating Republicans.
I'm flying today to Arizona for my daughter's wedding. What new and exciting adventures will I encounter while flying the friendly skies? Only time will tell.