No Brown M&Ms

Last month I had the opportunity to play a Valentine's banquet with a four piece band. I was asked what we needed for the performance and I gave the short list: Two microphones and two electrical outlets. The list was verified by the powers that book and I patted myself on the back for being so professional.

A week later we showed up on time ready to set-up and play. I was handed two microphones and they showed me where we could plug our two amps into the two electrical outlets. They didn't show me where to plug the microphones in and there was no sound engineer. The hall was equipped with two massive JBL speakers hanging from the ceiling that were blasting out every love song you never wanted to hear again. There was a cordless microphone & stand on the other side of the stage. I asked the MC if he could plug in the microphones for us but he didn't have a clue. He said we could plug them into our amps. He also offered the use of a wireless lapel mic that we could use. I told him that we were going to be singing not giving speeches at a Kiwanis club.

Ken's bass amp didn't have a low impedence input but my Ibanez acoustic amp did (although I had never used it before). I plugged one mic into my amp and we borrowed the cordless mic (not the lapel) for Lori to sing. I discovered that the mic input on my amp used the same effects that I put on my guitar. If I wanted chorus on the guitar I got chorus on my vocals. I haven't heard that effect on a vocal since the Doobie Brothers used it on "Listen to the Music". I decided to stick with reverb so we wouldn't sound too dated. I ended up sounding like Buddy Holly instead.

They had us set up back in the corner of a sunken stage because there were rows of chairs set up for a "Newlywed Game" that was the main event for the evening. Apparently someone had spent 5 minutes getting them just right and they couldn't be moved. Since we were stage right half of the people couldn't see us and half of them saw us huddled back in the corner of the cavern. The acoustics were less than desireable but it was par for the course we were playing.

We ran through our short set while the lovers dined on pasta. I forgot how much I dislike playing while people eat. I'd much rather have them dancing because it inspires me to entertain, not just perform. I found myself thinking of songs that would help them digest. The only thing I could think of was a scene from Lady & the Tramp when they're eating spaghetti and accidently kiss. "Oh what a night. It's a beautiful night, and they call it Bella Noche." I didn't see any Disney recreations but I did see some folks that could use a primer on table manners and chewing with your mouth closed.

Lori's disembodied voice was projected about twenty feet in front of us. There were no monitors so the only thing we could hear was her voice bouncing off the back wall coming towards us with a pronounced delay. My voice pushed loudly in my back mixed with my guitar in a lush reverb. It would have been perfect for Duane Eddy surf music but we hadn't rehearsed any of his classic tunes. I thought about turning it down but if I did they might not hear me at all and we had worked out some nice harmonies. Matt kept a good beat in spite of the mix and Ken hung back with him in the corner keeping the bass beat going. I was wishing that I was playing bass back in the corner instead of watching the masticators. Despite all the hardship our brave little combo thought it could and we chugged and chugged up and over the mountain. The MC came up after three songs and cut one song from our set list. Apparently the folks were done eating and were ready for the Newlywed Mayhem. It was over almost as soon as it began which was just about right for me although he did cut one of our best songs.

I didn't actually mean to make this a rant on a gig. It wasn't the worst I've been on and certainly wasn't the best. I believe that I should learn from my mistakes. I've made lots of mistakes so I'm getting smarter everyday. The lesson for today is about a contract rider. The contract rider includes specifications on stage design, sound systems, lighting rigs, as well as an artist's wish list. The list can include everything from transportation and billing to dressing room accommodations and meals. In some cases a promoter will refuse a demand but most stars usually get what they want: No Brown M&Ms (Van Halen); Two packs of rice cakes and a container of hummus (Beck); Four "soft head" toothbrushes, a bottle of Listerine, two small tubes of mint-flavored toothpaste (Sensodyne or Tom's of Maine), two packages of Altoids breath mints, four organic lip balms, and some Gold Bond powder (John Mayer); The audience shall not be more than six feet from the stage, food & beverage service shall cease five minutes before the performance and shall not resume until after the concluding numbers (Tony Bennett).

You don't have to be unreasonable (Gold Bond Powder?) but it is important to be specific, i.e., two microphones plugged into a PA system run by a sound engineer. It's also important to learn from those who have been doing it a long time like Mr. Bennett, "food...service shall cease five minutes before the performance and shall not resume until after the concluding numbers". I'll let them slide on the drinks Tony. I might sound better after they've had a couple but I don't want to watch them eat while I'm singing.

Be good...

Bunny Heaven

Jesse was my rabbit. He was originally my daughter's rabbit. In the summer of 1995 Caila wanted to get an animal. She wanted a dog but I didn't want the responsibility. She wanted a cat but I loved the songbirds in the yard outside the carriage house. I had a friend that worked with me at the Fogarty Center who had a dwarf rabbit. It seemed like the perfect pet. He lived inside, went to the bathroom in a litter box, could be left alone during the day, didn't need to go for a walk, and didn't kill birds. We went to the pet store and found Jesse. He was a dwarf Norwegian rabbit with Siamese colors.

Nobody told me that rabbits like to eat wires, wood, and basically anything they could chew on. He loved my guitar cords and wooden furniture. He also loved Trix, not the cereal but the little vegetable pellets that came in his rabbit food. He would root through the food looking for them while ignoring the alfalfa pellets. He didn't really like carrots but did like the leaves on top. His favorite vegetable was celery leaves.

When I moved to Florida at the end of 2001 Jesse took the road trip with me. He lived out on the lanai, which is a screened in room attached to the back of the house. It was the best of both worlds for him. He was outdoors but was protected from the neighbor's cats. It was bunny heaven. Jesse became ill last spring and again this summer. The vet said that he was very old (for a rabbit) gave him some antibiotics and he bounced back although he never made it back to his hopping young self. This weekend he lost his ability to get up. I brushed his hair, gave him water and celery tops but his appetite was not what it used to be. When rabbits are in pain they make noises like little piglets. Jesse was silent. When I came home from work yesterday I could see that his time was near. Early this morning he passed away without a sound. He was the fuzziest bunny in the whole wild world. I will miss him dearly.

Be good...

It's been a long time for me

I got busy this summer, applied for, and received my license to practice occupational therapy again. It's been several years and I just finished my first week on the new job. I'm kind of glad that I took time off from the profession because it gave me the opportunity to appreciate all of the blessings that come with my work. After being sidetracked into management I am happy to return to a staff position and the best part of it is that I am working with hands again. I fell in love with hand therapy when I first started and I have come back to my first love again. I feel that I have come full circle and have the comfort that it brings.

I was pretty busy with the Barnyard Sounds web site this summer also. It has gotten huge and I dreaded the work that was involved to redesign it. It took me a couple of months but it is finished. The new design is something that I can live with and add to without too much difficulty. The most amazing thing is that in the process I did some calculating of the numbers of items that I have uploaded to this massive web site. There are 373 songs encoded as WMA files, 218 lyrics encoded as TXT files, 208 photographs encoded as JPG files, 131 lyrics encoded as PDF files, 45 videos encoded as WMV files, 35 songs encoded as MP3 files, 14 speeches encoded as WMA files, 4 sounds encoded as WAV files, 3 screensavers, 1 radio broadcast encoded as a WMA file, and 1 podcast encoded as a MP3 file hosted at Barnyard Sounds. In addition there are 24 Bushisms encoded as MP3 files, 20 articles encoded as HTM files, 11 video bloopers encoded as WMV files, 10 documents encoded as PDF files, and 1 dancing fool encoded as a SWF file hosted at Barnyard Politics. If that's not enough for you there are 140 programs and 3 games hosted at Barnyard Programs. I am pretty proud of those numbers and it makes me feel good to know that they are all available for free through the miracle of the internet.

Be good...

Traveling in the USA

I went to the Rockaways in NYC last weekend for David Lieber's son's (Abraham) Bar Mitzvah. I'm not sure that all of you know this but I am a smoker. When I went through the check-in process in Jacksonville the NTSB agent took my Zippo lighter that I have had for thirty years. I asked if I could mail it to myself instead of having her confiscate it and she said. "Yes, it'll cost fourteen dollars." The USPS would have mailed it for less than two dollars but Homeland Security wants fourteen dollars. Those tax and spend Republicans.

My first connection was in Charlotte. North Carolina has the only airports that I know of where you can still smoke in an airport bar. I guess it's because they grow tobacco. I went in, took a seat and asked the bartender for a light. She gave me a pack of matches from a box that was full. I told the bartender about the plight of the Zippo as I drank a pint of Guinness and half of the patrons (those that were smoking) overheard my conversation and let out a collective sigh. They each told me of the demise of their lighters. When I left I asked her if I could take the matches that she had given me on my flight. All of the smoking patrons said, "Yes." OK, I'm not a terrorism expert but isn't a pack of matches more explosive than a Zippo lighter? I can understand a butane lighter but a Zippo? I wonder if I took the flint out (thus rendering it useless) if they still would have confiscated it. My guess (although uneducated when it comes to issues on National Security) is yes. Those poor, unfortunate, ignorant Republicans.

They day before I left for NYC I saw a segment on "Sunday Morning" that was about a place in Georgia that sells the luggage that the airlines lose and items that were confiscated by the NTSB. They had nail clippers, surfboards, and Jesse Jackson's suits. You may ask, "How do I know that they were Jesse Jackson's suits?" Because his name was embroidered on the inside of the jacket. You may ask, "Why not return them to Jesse Jackson since they know who they belong to?" They were either lost by the airlines or a National Security threat. They now have a Zippo lighter unless the NTSB officer took a personal liking to it. Those greedy confiscating Republicans.

I'm flying today to Arizona for my daughter's wedding. What new and exciting adventures will I encounter while flying the friendly skies? Only time will tell.

Be good...

Bad Blogger

I'm a bad blogger. The thing I like about web sites is that you make one, update it occasionally and there is little or no pressure once it's done. The thing I don't like about blogs is the constant nagging feeling that you should write something. Having said that, this is a new entry...

Dave said yes with regard to the web site. He is excited about having his music on CDs and I am leaving today to meet with him in New York. I am extremely excited because I haven't seen him since his wedding. His son, Abraham, just had his bar mitzvah and there is a party at a Kosher Chinese restaurant on Sunday. Chinese cuisine that's been blessed by God, what could be better? Moshe on the guitar.

Be good...

Dave Lieber's music

I finally finished digitizing Dave Lieber's music, made the CDs, and got them off in the mail to him today. I spoke to Dave on the phone last year and he was saying that he no longer had recordings of any of his music. Luckily for Dave, he sent me copies over the years and I still had them. He actually had a recording of the first time that the two of us jammed together in the winter of 75/76. What a hoot it was to listen to it again. We've both come a very long way since then (musically & spiritually). My favorite tunes were "Tiananmen Square" and "Ride on the Wings of Heaven".

In the final years before his marriage Dave was writing and recording like crazy. I can hear the influence of Steely Dan in his songs. He was hanging out with a bunch of very talented Hasidic Jazz musician's (no gigs on the Sabbath) at the time. They played at his wedding, which was without a doubt the best wedding band that I have ever heard. They would start off playing these Yiddish folk songs that would melt in to improvisational Heaven. I stood there and listened until his friends pulled me into the dancing circle. Shots of vodka and guy's lighting their hats on fire while they danced. I had a great time until my wife made me leave. It was an Orthodox ceremony and she was "insulted" that the women were separated from the men. Some people just don't have any respect for other people's cultures. I think it's fascinating and have always enjoyed learning about customs and cultures. RESPECT is the key to getting along. If we all showed each other a little more of it there would be no hatred or war.

It is always worthwhile to surround yourself with musicians that are better than you are. It improves your instrumental chops and writing. My philosophy is that I want to be the least talented musician in my band.

I asked Dave if he would allow me to make a web site for him and post some of his songs on Barnyard Sounds. Hopefully he will agree so you can all hear my talented friend.

Be good...

Bob Marley

I was listening to NPR (All Things Considered) on Wednesday and they reminded me that Bob Marley died on 4/20 at 4:20 PM. The news motivated me to play some Marley so I went to Twisted Sisters and jammed with Zach (guitar), Mathew (drums) Jared (bass), and a lovely woman named Brandy (djembe). I sang and provided the acoustic guitar skank on Lively Up Yourself, Stir it Up, No Woman No Cry, and Redemption Song. I sat in with Brandy on her set of four original tunes after my set keeping time with my djembe while she strummed the acoustic and sang ever so sweetly. It was great playing with Zach again and a pleasure meeting Brandy, Mathew, and Jared. I drank some Guinness and received a neuromuscular massage to boot. It was a wonderful evening.

I originally wrote "Sail Away" for my mentor Jon Jelleyman when he passed away but it's posted here for Bob (Jelley would understand):

Sail away...I'll be leaving someday.
You know I believed it, Oh for so long.
Won't be long 'till I'll be saying so long.

Far away...I'll be there someday.
You know I believed it, Oh for so long.
Won't be long till I'll be saying so long.

He's away...He won't be back someday.
You know I believed in him, Oh for so long.
Won't be long 'till I'll be saying so long.

Be good...

The best Easter ever

Well Lent is over and the Passion has played once again. I'm going to miss playing the guitar at Bethlehem for the "Holden Evening Prayer". I went to all of the services this week beginning with Palm Sunday's celebration, Wednesday's Seder meal service, Maundy Thursday's stripping of the altar, Good Friday's Tenebrae service, Saturday's powerful Easter Vigil service, and Easter Sunday's Resurrection service. It was spiritually fulfilling. The Easter bunny didn't make an appearance but the Holy Ghost did.

Meanwhile back on Earth 2318 American soldier's have died, more than 10,000 American soldiers have been wounded, 314 contractors have died, and approximately 35,000 Iraqi's have died because of DicknBush's war. They have spent over two hundred and seventy four billion of our tax dollars so far (thanks for the tax cut fellas) and plan on spending as whole lot more before they're done with their bloodbath. Dubya is a born again Christian? What Bible has he been reading? I'm guessing that he's a really slow reader and must still be on the Old Testament (an eye for an eye). I can't wait till he gets to the New Testament (forgive your enemies). Unfortunately it may be too late for all of us by then.

Be good...

Days of the World

I can't sleep despite the fact that I'm tired. I think it's daylight savings time. When Ben Franklin came up with the idea it was before the advent of electricity. His idea was to have more daylight hours to increase productivity. I'm not sure why we still do it. It messes up our internal clock.

I was busy this morning digitizing the music from a project called "Endless Summer" that I completed in the nineties. The songs will actually be released on a couple of different albums: "From a Voice Within" and "Memories in Boxes". "Endless Summer" will be an album of my reggae tunes. My favorite song from the project (today) is one called "Days of the World"...

And the days of the world go spinning by my head
And the days of the world go spinning by my head

Got to find a solution, searching everywhere
Turning every corner, leaving nothing spared
Trying every angle, put on different shoes
Tried all different phases, nothing left to choose

Take me when you go, take me when it's time, take me when you leave
Take me everywhere, take me with you now, take me with you please

And the days of the world go spinning by my head
And the days of the world go spinning by my head

Eyes are closing down now, mind is getting tired
Still I must search but how, the information's wired
It's plugged and prime processing, done in half the time
My minds a sleek computer, my bodies still confined

Take me when you go, take me when it's time, take me when you leave
Take me everywhere, take me with you now, take me with you please

And the days of the world go spinning by my head
And the days of the world go spinning by my head

State of mind is conscious, body's off of line
Senses are receiving, dream's a state of mind
Oh my heart is restless, locked inside this mind
It's sometimes overwhelming, when I've got the time

Take me when you go, take me when it's time, take me when you leave
Take me everywhere, take me with you now, take me with you please

And the days of the world go spinning by my head
And the days of the world go spinning by my head

It must be true because that's how I feel right now. I think I'll try and get some sleep now.

Be good...

The start of something new...

I was searching the net for people that I know this afternoon. I do that from time to time to see if anything new has happened while I was sleeping. When I searched for Tony Miceli I came up with Tony Miceli's Gigs. This was a new listing for Tony and I was intrigued. "Perhaps it's time for Barnyard Sounds to have a blog", I thought. "I'm putting the rest of my musical life up there for all to see, why not a continuing diary of sorts." Well, this is it. I figured if it's a good place for Tony to put his gigs and thoughts it's good enough for me. I'll try to keep it interesting and maybe it will encourage me to do things that are worthy of posting.

Be good...